Why, thank you. What you say makes sense, although I'm still not satisfied with it as a whole. (the story, that is) There does reamain some editing to be done, but I have decided to leave those paragraphs in place, if not intact. I'll re-post the edited/final version once it's complete, for proper and qualified public ridicule and critisism. :)
Thanks for the feedback, though. I appreciate it even though it's positive.