InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Wait, there's no such thing as"

Kires (kires) wrote,
@ 2002-11-07 05:22:00

Editing and stuff
Re-reading the story I just posted, I see changes that need to be made. Maybe cutting out paragraphs 2-4 entirely would be good, the background information there may not be necessary, but I was trying to illustrate the mindset that would not consider a random beating to be such an unusual occurrance. But perhaps I overdid it. hmmm, the line between clarity and distraction is a fine one, or maybe I'm just not skilled enough. One or the other, maybe.

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	springdew 2002-11-09 04:35 pm UTC (link)
	No, you did quite well. Editing would likely hurt the story, as you have the sentences concise enough already and they hang well together. At no part does this piece become boring, and heaven knows it has ample opportunity. Anytime you take a small fast event and break it down, you run the risk of boring the ass off the reader, but you, here, did not. (Reply to this) (Thread)

kires
2002-11-09 04:58 pm UTC (link)

Why, thank you. What you say makes sense, although I'm still not satisfied with it as a whole. (the story, that is) There does reamain some editing to be done, but I have decided to leave those paragraphs in place, if not intact. I'll re-post the edited/final version once it's complete, for proper and qualified public ridicule and critisism. :)
Thanks for the feedback, though. I appreciate it even though it's positive.

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